Actually being there.

Thursdays class pointed some things out to me that go beyond what we are learning to do. The first thing is actually being there. The second one is letting things effect you. For me this is going to be a longer term process to work on. I haven't found out yet how we will integrate this into our process. One thing that has happened each time we have done this work is I find objects I had forgotten about. It doesn't necessarily effect me the way you might think, but it does effect me. The other is actually being there. This is something I will have to work on. It did get easier when I find objects that I had forgotten about. Something the other members of the class point out in their posts is how objects can generate memories. One thing I have had to work on since starting this program is confronting my past. I think Jon pointed out after I went that societal conditioning might be in play. For me just being able to get this far has been great. I will be going further, much further.

In our work Thursday night, we were to go to our childhood classroom. I found myself back in my second grade room at St Martha's in Florida. Once again how I got that one is anybody's guess. I think I might have gotten there, because third grade was not one of the best years I had. I didn't really have any memories good or bad from my time there. I remember getting along with my follow students. My detail of the room was very deep. When he asked us to dip our desk I found alot in there. I kept having objects from later points in my life pop into the desk. When I focused I could stop them. As I went thought the desk during the harvest I found something I had forgotten about. We used to have to cover our books in paper to protect them. We used paper bags from the grocery store. That caught my attention.

Putting myself there was something I thought I was doing. Jon pointed out I wasn't. It looked like to him I was remembering, I know by actually being in the environment you will start to feel the things in there. This comparable to sense memory. I am going to have to work on this more.

This work has opened up so much for me. I know there is more to go. That one object I found during the harvest made me happy, not so much the object itself, but the fact I was in a relaxed state, and let it come. This tells me my mind is not fighting me with this work. I just think in the exercise we did there wasn't alot in that room or desk for me to draw off of. I did find it interesting I could tell it was morning, and I could hear lawn mowers working.

For our next class we will be starting dream catching. I have been keeping a log of my dreams from the day he told us to start doing it.

P.S. I took Jon up on the challenge of driving to work and staying completely aware as you go. He is right your mind wants to fight you on this.

I so remember using paper bags to cover my books in Catholic grade school!